At one of our Mother’s Group meeting, I was reminded again of the need to speak life and not death when I led the group with Chapter 26 from The Power of a Praying Woman by Stormie Omartian.
Titled “Lord, Train Me to Speak Only Words That Bring Life”, she writes about the power of words in our lives and the lives around us.
Sticks and Stones…
What she teaches goes against the common saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me!”
Many of us were taught this as children to protect us from name-calling by bullies. But it isn’t true. Words DO hurt us.
Long after a bruise or even a broken bone has healed, the names we have been called linger on. And if those words were spoken by those close to us, they hurt even more deeply. They could even shape our worldview and how we view ourselves.
The Power of Words to Impart Life or Death
The Bible tells us that life and death are in the power of the tongue. Proverbs 18:21.
What comes out of our mouths has the power to impart life OR death. We CAN speak life or death into the situations we are in. We CAN also speak life or death to the lives of the people around us.
The Heart-Mouth Connection
Therefore, we first need to ask the Lord to set a guard over our mouths so that we don’t just say whatever comes to mind. Psalm 141:3. Then we need to work on guarding our hearts because, “Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.” Luke 6:45.
What we say is powered by what is in our hearts and minds.
The Coffee Cup Analogy
Just as a cup containing coffee spills only coffee when bumped, a person full of bitterness spills bitter words when bumped.
And just because we didn’t say it out does not mean we are ok because when a push becomes a shove, what we feel and think will come out.
Guarding Our Hearts
Since we speak out of the abundance of our hearts; we, therefore, need to guard our hearts (and thoughts). Stormie Omartian reminds us that in order to do that, we need to remember Philippians 4:8,
One thing that fits this description to the tee is the Word of God. It is true, noble, just, pure, lovely, of good report, virtuous and praiseworthy.
And as we meditate on the word of God, day-by-day, it becomes a part of our lives. Over time, we will become transformed into His likeness. Then, and only then, will speaking life and being encouraging flow naturally even if we were not brought up that way.
Easier Said Than Done
But – I totally understand that speaking affirming and encouraging words are easier said than done.
I struggle daily with speaking affirming and life-giving words. Sometimes it is due to sheer exhaustion. As a task-driven mother to many little ones back in the day, I was often harsh and curt. “Get the task done” was my motto. And if feelings have to hurt along the way, so be it. 🙁
At other times I conveniently reverted to my old nature. Although both my parents were Western/English educated, my family was in many ways a typically Asian one where praise was seldom heard. Instead, negativity was used to spur one on. If you’d read Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother by Amy Chua, you’d know that Asian parents do not praise their children.
Often it is “normal” for me to speak negatively. I know it is not healthy but it has been hard to break out of this mould. Old habits die hard. But I keep trying because I do not want to pass on this “legacy”. So, many times I have to bite my tongue and pray when “bumped” instead of spewing forth hurtful words.
Build Each Other Up
If you too struggle with speaking life-giving words, let us spur each other on.
Let us remember the Proverbs 31 Woman. We are told that “she opens her mouth with wisdom and on her tongue is the law of kindness.” Proverbs 31:26
And let us take heed of Paul’s words to “Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.” Ephesians 4:29.
Who are the “hearers” in our midst? Our children. Our husband. And if we do not build them up, they will go looking for affirmation elsewhere. That would not bode well for the family.
Warning – Speak Truth In Love
But even as we want to affirm and encourage those around us, we need to guard against hypocrisy and white lies. We need to pray for wisdom on how to speak the truth in love.
If you watch talent shows like American Idol or X-Factor, you will know who Simon Cowell is. He is the judge with an acerbic tongue. He often states the truth without a care for the contestant’s feelings, while the other judges are more diplomatic in their critiques.
Funny as he is, we do not want to be a Simon Cowell. We must learn to speak the truth in love.
Words Have Power
There is no denying that words HAVE the power to build up or to tear down. We want to use the positive power of words to speak life into our children’s, husband’s, and even into our own lives.
But to do so consistently, we need to spend time with the Lord, asking Him to transform us into His likeness so that we can speak hope and life to those around us.
Let us not give up trying. With His help, we can do this!
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