Parent In Faith Not Fear

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How can we parent in faith not fear when the world seems bent on attacking our children?

Every other day or so, we will read of some new social media app or phone game or movie or TV show that is intent on luring our children away from God and do damaging stuff to themselves or their friends. One just cannot keep up.

And we all know that parental controls only do so much. All of which can easily leave us lying awake in our beds with fear gripping our hearts.

Parenting In Faith or Fear?

The evil one is very busy and seems to be on a roll these days, aided by the world wide web, trying to get our children every which way he can. And because it gets really overwhelming, it is really easy to slip into parenting from fear and not faith.

Guilty, as charged.

Just Slap on Parental Controls?

Now when you have really young children and are the main caregiver, it is a lot easier to wield parental control. We could just remove the smartphones, tablets and the like from them. Or as mentioned above, install parental controls. Or limit screen times. All good and necessary actions to take, mind you.

But is that the way to go? What happens when your child grows up and goes to school? (BTW, homeschooling does not protect our children from this insidious enemy.) Do you know what their friends, cousins, neighbour kids are showing them on their smartphones when they are in school or on the school bus or at the playground?

Just Ban It?

Also, by banning it, it could lead to sneakiness and/or resentment in our children because the need to fit in and be in the know is great, especially when they hit the pre-teen and teenage years.

Besides, what happens when they are able to outsmart all the parental controls you have placed on their devices? Remember, they are digital natives, we are not. They are way savvier on all things technology than we are.

On top of that, increasingly, schools require our children to be connected. Even homeschoolers need to be connected. Almost no one arranges for outings without the use of a smartphone. Every appointment is conducted via Whatsapp. In Singapore at least.

In the natural and physical realm, it is very difficult and tiring. As we figure out how to protect our children from one thing, three more pops up. Kinda like the Hydra of the Greek myths.

A False Sense of Security

While our kneejerk reaction is to ban all devices and install parental controls over the necessary devices, it will not protect our children from the darkness of this world. In fact, sometimes I think parental controls on devices give us a false sense of security. And it makes us lazy. We think that because the controls are in place, we can be on cruise control mode.

We can’t.

Because this is not just a physical battle but a spiritual one.

The evil one wants to destroy our children because he hates children. He has been trying to kill them since he knew that his doom will be at the hands of Son of God.

Worry, Worry, Worry

Honestly, we can scare and worry ourselves to death if we try to stay on top of all these new games, new shows, new social media, new apps that come out every day. We can become so paranoid that we slap down rules and more rules. We check their phones and computers constantly after they go to sleep, or even while they are using it. We draw contracts and make them sign them. We install parental controls on each and every device.

[By the way, checking the children’s phone messages, emails, and PMs on social media channels is a fulltime job if you have more than one child. They are way more social than we are.]

Or we veer to the other extreme. Just give up and be resigned that they will be exposed to all those bad stuff anyway because “it is just the way it is”, so why bother.

After all, the world IS getting darker by the minute. And with constant connectivity, and ease of use of social media, many things are being shared online 24/7. Even stuff you don’t want to see because of the way the algorithms of Google, Youtube, Instagram and their ilk have built. Or is that because we now have smartphones and TVs that listen to our conversations? Hmmm….

Either way, it is enough to drive one mad with worry and fear. And if you are like me, a fan of murder stories and shows, then your imagination can and do run wild.

Best Thing To Do

So how?

Yes, we have to do our part. Keep the communication lines open. Talk to our children about keeping safe online, no matter how awkward. Put in parental controls like Covenant Eyes. Or whatever you are comfortable and familiar with.

But the best thing we can do, which I remind myself to do on a regular basis is:

PRAY.

It sounds cliché. But it is the only weapon strong enough to tear down the strongholds of the enemy that seek to destroy our children and families. And as we pray, to remember that we are not battling the enemy alone.

HE HAS GOT THIS.

The experts operate from theories. They don’t fully understand what goes on in a person’s mind, MY child’s mind.

But GOD DOES.

He who created our children knows them best. And loves them best. Yes, bad things will and do happen. I am no Pollyanna. But worrying does not help a bit. Praying does.

Pray for Them

As we do what is needful, practical and sensible such as keeping communication lines open, even when they shut us out, sharing relevant articles and news with them, and constantly being on a lookout for any change in behaviour patterns, we need to pray unceasingly.

• pray for godly friends and mentors to come around them,
• pray that they will harken to the still small voice of God, and not harden their hearts against the promptings of the Holy Spirit, and
• pray for a hedge of protection around them.

Pray for Ourselves

And we need to pray for ourselves, too.

• pray to let go and trust God,
• pray against the spirit of fear that wants to take our peace and our eyes off Jesus,
• pray for wisdom to know how to parent them, when to reach out and when to pull back, and
• pray that God will reveal to us what He needs us to know and how to deal with it.

Fix Our Eyes on Jesus

Let us remember Isaiah 26:3, NLT

You will keep in perfect peace
all who trust in you,
all whose thoughts are fixed on you!

Take our concerns and worries to the Lord, trusting that He loves our children more than we can. Let us press on and parent in faith not fear because we have put our faith in Him.

I leave you with

Psalm 121, NKJV
(God the Help of Those Who Seek Him)

I will lift up my eyes to the hills—
From whence comes my help?
My help comes from the Lord,
Who made heaven and earth.

He will not allow your foot to be moved;
He who keeps you will not slumber.
Behold, He who keeps Israel
Shall neither slumber nor sleep.

The Lord is your keeper;
The Lord is your shade at your right hand.
The sun shall not strike you by day,
Nor the moon by night.

The Lord shall preserve you from all evil;
He shall preserve your soul.
The Lord shall preserve your going out and your coming in
From this time forth, and even forevermore.

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