Whenever Henson and I are seen without our 7 children in tow this is the inevitable question we get asked.
“Your older kids looking after the younger ones ah?”
I really, really, really dislike this question. Coz the older children are not “looking after” (nor raising) the younger ones. The older siblingsĀ help to look out for them, and be an older sibling to them. At this season of our family life, the younger ones do not need any looking after. They are all independent. š
Sure, if I am out during meal times, the older ones will be needed to help heat up the food that I already prepared beforehand and dish them out. But everyone feeds themselves, clear their own dishes, take their own vitamins, etc…Without being told. And that is because we have a routine going for us. Everyone knows what they need to do and when they need to do it by. Certain things need reminders of course, like packing up the house by 6pm because that is when David sets the Roomba loose! Lol! But everyone generally knows how things go in the house. There is no need for any “looking after”, by the older siblings or anyone for that matter.
I know this may sound strange and unusual but that is how I have managed to remain sane with 7 children and no helper. All the children are strongly encouraged to be independent from an early age. And they thrived with that encouragement. They are, by the grace of God, able to play nicely with each other (mostly) or they would play by themselves if the other siblings chose to read instead of play. They are very comfortable being home and they know where everything is. The younger ones seldom even askĀ the older ones to help them with anything since they are able to get whatever they need by themselves.
I know for many large families, they have the older children help out like shower and feed their younger siblings as part of their routine. This is a great way for the siblings to bond and it gives the older ones useful skills in caring for younger children, which can be a great help if and when they wish to babysit as a job. However, in our home, I don’t do that. It is a little quirk of mine that I know many other large families disagree with. It’s ok. š
When we had babies and toddlers, Henson or I will shower and feed them, not the older siblings. With homeschooling, I will also be the one teaching the younger ones the basics of reading, writing and arithmetics. Why? I feel that it is something that I want to do forĀ all the children. Since the older ones got mama to bathe them, the younger ones ought to, too. Similarly, since the older ones learnt how to read and write from mama, the younger ones ought to have that experience, as well. The older ones may help to reinforce what is learnt but I do the main teaching.
We have never left the baby or toddler at home with the older ones, unless it was for a really quick trip to the supermarket or market. And that, only when we knew what sort of temperament the baby/toddler had! When the children were much younger and I had to leave the house for some urgent errands, I would always bring the youngest 2 with me. I didn’t think it was fair to let the older ones deal with a cranky baby. But now that the “baby” is 6 years old and very independent, I have more peace of mind whenever I have to leave her with her older siblings for longer stretches of time.
With everyone managing themselves, it has also allowed meĀ to accompany Henson more often when he preaches and shares at various places or attend social events even if they happen to last till late at night. Again, our routine comes into play. They know when they have to pack up the house (again), do their night routines (brush teeth, apply creams, drop atropine eye drops, etc), and go to bed. However this does not mean that we take advantage of their independence and go gallivanting nightly š
We are very grateful that each one plays his and her part in ensuring that there is peace in the house which hasĀ allowed me to be with Henson when he ministers or when I would like to have some time to myself. So kids, THANK YOU!!! We really appreciate you guys!!!
- Just yesterday night, one of them asked when I would be able to leave them all at home while I attend Church camps with Henson. Hmm….not for a long while more, I think! Leaving them at home for a few hours versus leaving them alone for a few days is a big leap of faith! In fact, leaving them alone so that we can get an overnight staycation is even too daunting for me to consider! Maybe next year???