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Cooking demo before the sharing. Yums!
Cooking demo before the sharing. Yums!

Some weeks back, a fellow homeschool mother, Sook Neo, whatsapped me to ask if I could go and share something to encourage fellow mothers at the Bukit Panjang Gospel Chapel’s Mothers’ Group. I said, yes, almost immediately because this is what the Lord had asked me to do many years ago. In fact, that was why I started this blog.

A pre-Mother’s Day message

After chatting with June, the leader of the group, we decided that I would take the slot that was the Friday before Mother’s Day, 6th May 2016. Great timing, I thought! I was already scheduled to speak at our Church’s Mother’s Day services. And the message the Lord wanted me to bring to the congregation was BE ENCOURAGED.

So, I thought it would be great to just use the same message to encourage even more mothers. But it was not to be so. Don’t you love how the Lord gently chides us when we are being lazy and presumptuous? 😉

Instead, God wanted me to bring home a message to these mothers that they don’t need to feel inadequate just because they are only mothers.

Just a mother

Feeling unseen because you are JUST a mother?As stay at home mothers, we often feel inadequate because we are neither contributing financially to the family nor being a useful member of society. That we are huang lian por – a Chinese term that is derogatory to women, referring to women who sponge off their husbands, like parasites.

After all, haven’t you ever felt tongue-tied and muttered, “Oh I don’t work, I am just a mother”, when asked what your job is? Or “I don’t work, I am just a housewife”. I know I have.

Despite having chosen to be a stay-at-home mother for almost 18 years, I still feel awkward telling someone what I do. Somehow, it doesn’t feel like a real or legitimate job. And on those days when the children are acting up and behaving like brats instead of blessings, it does not even seem like a worthwhile job!

Take pride in being a mother

Society pays lip service to motherhood, hailing it a noble job and all. So why do we feel ashamed and add the word “just” before “a mother” when asked what we do? I think that response reflects our lack of pride and honour in holding such an important job. And I stand guilty as charged too. This is especially so when I am out at a social functions where many high flying women are present.

My husband used to run his own advertising company before the Lord called him out to go into full-time Christian ministry work. Then, he was appointed Dean of the School of Ministry and later on, Deputy Senior Pastor at our previous Church. All these appointments were viewed as very important positions by society. And there I was, just a mother, just a housewife.

Even when he was called out of the church setting to set-up and to start his own ministry, Archippus Awakening, I was still just a mother. I had and have no active role in this ministry. Often in Christian ministry, wives work to supplement the income of the full-time serving husband or actively serve beside their husband. But not only do I not work out of the home, I also do not help my husband in his ministry work. I truly am just a mother.

So I know how it feels to have to answer with “I am a stay-at-home-mother” when asked for my job title. I have to constantly remind myself of my identity in Christ. And to remind myself of what the Lord has called me to be – a homeschooling mother, and to do – encourage mothers in their journey in motherhood.

We are just mothers

So, I would like to remind all of us that we are not JUST mothers. We are MOTHERS. Period. No need to add a “just” in front of the word mother.

No more, no less. As equal in the eyes of God as someone who is a CEO of a large MNC or who is an important doctor or lawyer or inventor of a cancer cure. Now, if God gave you children either biologically or through foster care or adoption, He has called you to be a mother and we should be proud to be one.

We are in full-time ministry

Do you realise that once you are a mother, you are in full-time ministry? After all, you cannot be a part time mother!

And if you are a Christian mother, motherhood is your full-time ministry call from God. Mothers do not get to retire or resign! There may be other multiple roles and areas of ministry you may be called to do but once you are a mother, that is your MAIN assignment – until death. So, even if a child disowns you, you are still his mother, if not legally then biologically. And if not biologically then, emotionally.

How do you view motherhood?

But do you see it as so? Do you see motherhood as a full-time call? Because how we view motherhood influences how we mother.

I urge all of us to be proud and honoured that we are in this full-time call. Don’t feel useless or worthless. I know it doesn’t help that the government is trying to get women to go back to work as quickly as possible. They are offering financial incentives (tax rebates), and infant and childcare services to lure/help ease mothers back into the workforce. They want all Singaporeans to contribute economically. Don’t feel that you must hold a job or have a list of activities to rattle off when asked what you have done with the education you have received.

Pressured to prove your worth?

Of course you can if you want to or if circumstances dictate that you need to. But never feel obligated to hold a job just to prove your worth. I know the pressure one can feel to make something of one’s life, especially if one holds a university degree. Until today, my own parents are still upset that I “wasted” my education and their hard earned money to become just a housewife, just a mother.

When I had my first child and told them that I would be resigning from my job to take care of the baby full-time, they told me that I should not do that. They would raise my child for me. No, thanks!

There would be no titles, benefits, and definitely no money working this mothering “job”. And I guess what made it worse was that we chose not to have a maid, either. How could a university graduate stay home and perform menial household chores and just be a mother! What a waste!

(See Have we wasted our education?)

A privilege to be a stay at home mother

Sure, we may not get the financial benefits of holding a part time or full-time job – no bonus, no MC, no leave! But we definitely get other benefits. We get to be THE one our child runs to when she is hurt, we get to witness our child speaking her first word, taking her first step and so on. All these things that even most fathers don’t get to be a first person witness because they are out working! It is a beautiful experience that money cannot buy. Actually, being JUST a mother is a privilege – we can concentrate 100% on being a mother instead of having our attention split into a million places. Not everyone has this privilege and honour of being just a mother.

Motherhood is not just a job

And please do not feel that being a mother is a job anyone can do. That one doesn’t need any special qualifications to be a mother. After all, isn’t it just a biological consequence of being intimate with your husband at the right time of the month? Maybe that is why many women don’t think too much about outsourcing child care to outsiders, be it the maid or even grandparents? But, no. It isn’t a job that anyone can do. Sure any female can bear a child (hence surrogate motherhood is a popular option in certain countries) and anyone can feed, shower or read to a child BUT being a mother is much more than being a vessel, or an incubator!

For the conclusion, read Just a mother – Part 2

Post updated July 2017

 

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