Feeling Unappreciated?

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Do you find that after a while of being a wife and especially of being a mother, you can’t help but feel unappreciated for all the work you do around the house? I think feeling unappreciated is the twin sister of feeling guilty that we are not enough, which I wrote about in Stop Going on Mommy Guilt Trips.

And I feel even more unappreciated when I am physically tired and spiritually dry. It is like I have nothing more to draw from and so I snap. Then, the pity party starts: right in my head and it quickly extends outwards, colouring everything I see and hear. It is not a pretty place to be in and I am not a nice person to be around.

The Pity Party

When I work around the house in that mood, instead of focussing on my work, my grumbling spirit and critical eye would instead notice that everyone else is happily doing their stuff i.e. not work. Like brush lettering, playing computer games, reading, lazing around, singing, scrolling through Facebook and/or Instagram. But I, meanwhile, am slaving away, doing ALL. THIS. WORK.

Grrr….!

Nobody cares!

Resentment rears its ugly head: Can’t they see how hard I am working? Don’t they know that without me around, the whole house (and family) will fall apart? After all, no one knows where anything is even when it is staring at them right in the face! And I always have to remember who has to be where when! On and on my mind goes.

Why Do We Do What We Do?

The only way to stop myself from spiralling further down this path is to force myself to remember why I am doing what I am doing. I have to intentionally hit the pause button. And sometimes, hit the reboot button too.

Obviously, I don’t know what your triggers are but regardless, it is always good to be reminded of the WHY behind our work. What is your motivation to do the work around the house, and to care for your family? And if you have chosen to be a stay-at-home-mother. WHY have you chosen to do so?

Because, if our motives are wrong or misaligned as we would say in our Archippus Awakening language, then these feelings of unappreciation will keep on appearing and re-appearing.

While our children (and husband) need to learn to show appreciation (not just to us, but to anyone who renders help to them), let us look to ourselves first.

What Truly Motivates Us?

Let us be honest with ourselves: when we do something for someone, what is our motive? Could it be because we want to feel needed? Loved? Important? Or perhaps to prove that we are smart and/or indispensable?

These should not be our motivators at all. We should be serving and helping people as unto the Lord. As He came to serve, so should we. Regardless of whether they show their appreciation or not.

What SHOULD Motivate Us?

After all, look at Jesus. He is to be our example. Romans 5:8 tells us that

…while we were still sinners, Christ died for us… (NKJV)

Jesus died for all mankind even while they were oblivious to their need for a Saviour. In fact, many are adamant that they don’t need a Saviour. Only the weak and losers need Jesus. There are many people who do not appreciate His great act of love and sacrifice. Talk about being unappreciated big time!

With Jesus as our example, we follow Him by doing good, preferring others to ourselves, and serving as He did. Being appreciated is a bonus.

Having this mindset will prevent a lot of bitterness and anger. As His followers, Colossians 3:23-24 should be our verse. This is why we do what we do – for the Lord.

And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance; for you serve the Lord Christ. (NKJV, emphasis mine.)

Who Are We Working For?

Every time we start to feel unappreciated, let us remember Colossians 3:23-24 to stop the downward spiral. We must remember that we do what we do not to feel important, not to feel needed, not to feel loved. But because of Jesus.

As He came to serve, we too must serve. And we do not just serve willy-nilly (or “anyhow serve” as we say in Singlish) but we serve with a spirit of excellence, just like Daniel did. Daniel did his work so well that his enemies could find no fault in it and they had to scheme and plot to get him into trouble with King Darius. See Daniel 6:3-5.

[No, this does not mean you are to be a doormat. More on that later.]

It Is Not Easy

This is by no means easy, I know! It IS a struggle.

But we need to fight hard to remember to do our work “as to the Lord” in order not to get stuck in our pity parties. Let us encourage each other to remember WHO we are working for. Vent and let it all out to a few close friends if you need to but may I suggest going to the Lord first?

Remember when the Israelites were grumbling against Moses, he went straight to the Lord and poured out his frustrations to Him. (Numbers 11:11-15) He did not grumble to Aaron or Miriam or Joshua. We need to take a leaf out of his book and learn from him. But also take note that as he grumbled, he forgot how great God is. He doubted God’s ability to provide. See Numbers 11:21-22. This is usually what happens when we grumble. We forget how big God is but instead focus on how big our problems are.

El Roi

When we start to feel unappreciated, we need to remember He is El-Roi, the God who sees. See Genesis 16:13. He sees the work we do. Be Encouraged Because He is a God Who Sees.

He sees and knows what is going on. He always does. He sees our work and He sees our hearts – yours, mine and our families’. He knows the attitudes we harbour in our hearts as we serve our families: cheerfully or petulantly.

Who and Why

So, the next time you wipe another snotty nose, iron another stubbornly creased shirt or cook another meal in the hot stuffy kitchen (this would totally be me!), remember WHO you are doing it for and WHY you are doing it.

And whether you are thanked or even noticed for your acts of service, keep doing the best you can. Because… Jesus. Also, we want to model for our children what it means to have a servant’s heart.

Not a Doormat

BUT… this does not mean you are a doormat.

No. Do not let anyone step all over you. We must teach our children to appreciate our acts of service, not because we need it but because they need it.

This is Manners 101. Teach them from young to say “please” when asking for help, and to say “thank you” when help is received. And we should keep at it until they do it without being reminded This is a great life skill that they need in a world that is often too busy to thank people and has entitlement issues.

Shine for Jesus

So, the next time you feel unappreciated, remember WHO you are working for and WHY you are doing it. Know that our Father in Heaven sees. Do it for Him and do it well.

Now go and be the light of Jesus in your family. May you be blessed as you serve your family as unto the Lord.

Related Posts

Stop Going on Mommy Guilt Trips
Be Encouraged Because He is a God Who Sees
Why I Chose to Stay Home
Do I Have to Cook and Clean to Be a Good Mother? i.e. Can’t I Just Farm Them Out?

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